Shiokenstar’s Weblog

“The net is indeed vast and infinite”

Archive for April, 2009

FUCK

Posted by shiokenstar on April 28, 2009

So I failed my driving test. It was one of those instant-fail conditions, the “Dangerous Maneuver.” Just exatly what was my infraction? I was told to make a left turn, and obviously there is a two-way turn lane to get into. But here is the thing, I didn’t see where the turn needed to be, so I slowed down before getting into the lane. Now I’m pretty sure I didn’t, but the instructor told me I had stopped completely in a straight road, and held up the person behind me, which is why he honked at me. This counts as a dangerous maneuver.

My main and true gripe though, is that the instructor told me to get some more confidence before I take the test again. She noticed that I’d turn slow or change lanes slowly. The reasons this pisses me off to no end, is that I don’t drive like that at all. No, its because my dad and my sisters are all, “you gotta drive safer Alex! You drive just fine, but you gotta take it easier for the test!” and shit like that. Thanks fuckers. Thanks a fucking lot.

To top things off, my dad, as fuckin always, never understands my mood. He see that I’ve failed, and tries to say shit like, “Oh don’t worry, I failed 3 or 4 times before I passed.” The point is, 1) You weren’t cheated out of passing by some impatient dickwad that blew his horn, and 2) all of the advice and criticsm you’ve been shoving down my throat was fucking pointless. I could have done this if I practiced my driving with a mute. I even specifically told him, “I don’t want to hear you say anything on the ride home.” But does he fuckin get it? No. He just keeps fucking blathering about how my siblings had trouble passing their tests and crap.

Even though I’m 18 and there’s no waiting period for testing, I can’t even schedule an appointment yet. Why? Because the asswads haven’t updated the information that I’ve failed already. Fuck. Today was wasted.

Timestamp – 12:16 PM

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Driving Test Tomorrow! Half-hearted Woohoo!

Posted by shiokenstar on April 27, 2009

Haha, so it’s been a while hasn’t it? Some crazy stuff has happened but like, the blogging bug hasn’t bitten, you know? There definitely a lot of things that were blog worthy, but well, we’ll see if I ever go back.

So I’m not going to school tomorrow because my driving test is scheduled for 10:50 AM. There’s no point in going back to school anyways, since that day is the first of STAR testing, which means Seniors like myself won’t even be attending class. Instead, they’ll be herded onto the school bleachers for taking the panorama picture. I’m not going to lie, its a bittersweet thing, missing out on being there for that. On the one hand, I love momentos like that, but on the other hand, I get to save money by not buying it haha. But here’s the thing.

I’m a decent driver already. I can even takcle the freeway with no worries. The only thing is, I’m really worried I’m going to do something stupid. At the Santa Teresa DMV, when you start the course, they have this stop sign that is more of a rectangular white sign with the word “STOP” written in blue. Now I already know about the sign, but like, there is also this metal grate thingy, and like, everyone I know has said that for that stop sign, do not go over the metal grate, which is a pretty awkward thing to do since the stop sign is immediately after a sharp turn. So if you stop before the grate, your car is at a weird angle. I’m worried that I’ll do something that warrants an instant-fail, but I’m more worried that I’ll do things like, not check my mirrors properly or like, be obsersvant enough, haha.

Also, since I’m essentially trading my panorama shot to take my test, I have to pass or else taking the day off would have been pointless : (. I need to pass this test haha. Sigh, damn haha. Oh well. Just gotta cross my fingers and pray.

Timestamp – 11:03 PM

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Another crazy ass dream.

Posted by shiokenstar on April 15, 2009

Haha, you know, if it weren’t for these dreams I don’t think I’d blog at all.

So the dream starts of in the normal world. I’m just walking somewhere with my backpack, when all of a sudden I meet/see two superheroes. These superheroes aren’t like, actual comic book heroes, just some ones that I’ve made up. One of them wears a blue facemask, and the other one is like, a swirling 2-dimensional portal. All of a sudden, something starts to attack the Earth. At the moment, I can’t see what it is, but everything starts getting pulled up/sucked off the face of planet. It’s like the gravity got turned off.

The one with the blue mask comes and saves me, but the next series of events is a blur. The next thing I know, I’m on a red dusty landscape, and there’s a GARGANTUAN being floating in space over looking the planet. It’s like Galactacus over looking a planet or something, haha. The portal morphs into like, a ball of energy and flies off to fight the giant, and so does the blue mask guy. There are hundreds of thousands of superheroes fighting this thing, but because he’s so freaking huge they are like the size of ants to him. Meanwhile, I’m standing there watching, and there’s an old guy next to me. The old dude looks like this guy, except that he is wearing this guy’s clothes. It’s weird, I know, haha. I notice that he isn’t watching the battle, but instead his back is turned to the giant, and is looking at something else. I turn around to see what he’s looking at, and the sight is heartbreaking.

It’s the Earth, or should I say half of it, since it’s like, disintegrating bit by bit. I fall to my knees in shock, and the old guy explains that he may have been the one that trained the blue mask hero and the portal hero, he was just a human being like me. (Yeah, I don’t know how exactly he trained a portal, but whatever lol.) He was extremely frustrated that he could do nothing to stop what happened to the Earth nor could he join the fight against the giant being that did this. But then, a mysterious voice offers him the chance to save a different Earth, of a different time and space. I am about to warn him that he shouldn’t, but then a portal (not the portal hero) opens up and he immediately steps right through it. My mind is racing with different possibilities about what could have happened, when I notice little rocks and things being suck up, just like what happened on Earth. I turn around to see the battle still raging, but with significantly less heroes in the sky. I know that we’ve lost this battle, and the idea of a different Earth sounds pretty good to me at this point.

I poke my head through the portal and find that it wasn’t so much a different Earth of a different time and space as it was just farther into the future. Much farther. I am looking at a completely brown and cracked earth, with a dust ring around it. It’s a full sphere this time, but sitting on top if is the old man from before, only he has grown big enough to sit cross-legged on the Earth. But he too is petrified, and slowly disintegrating. He is missing half his head, and I can’t help but feel sadness that while now he would be strong/superhuman enough to fight that giant, it didn’t matter in the end.

The scene shifts back to that red dusty landscape, and the blue mask heroes and the portal hero are looking for their master. The portal hero lays flat on the floor, and begins to spin furiously, drilling into the surface of the landscape. The blue mask hero asks, “What are you doing?!” and the portal responds, “I’m looking for our master.” The blue mask responds, “Just stop, it would take too many Earth years to dig down anywhere. We need to focus on other things.” The portal stops, and there is in fact a hole left behind that is drill shaped. At this time, I call the attention of the two heroes. Remember that now we are in the far future, and that the portal I stepped through is already gone. The two escort me while I lead them back to the Earth, and they are totally traumatized by seeing their master in his state. Before anything else can happen, a voice calls tot he three of us, “Back away or you’ll get sucked in!” We turn to see a bunch of Green Lanturns, who are pointing in the general direction of the Earth. I turn again to see what they’re pointing at, and I see an ENOURMOUS planet, several thousand times the size of the Earth. I can also see that the particles from the decaying Earth are in fact being attraacted by the insane gravity of the molten planet. The planet is a moving ball of lava and rock, pulling in anything and everything it passes by.

The Green Lanturns fly past us and towards the planet, and the two heroes resolve to do whatever they can as pennance for not being able to repel the original giant monster. Of course though, sicne they are escorting me through the cold vaccuum of space, I have to go with them towards the planet. However, I end up getting caught in the planet’s gravitiational pull, and scream for help as I am violently dragged towards the ground. The Lanturns are protected from the pull and rush down to help me, warning blue mask and portal not to get anywhere closer or else they’d get pulled in too. One of the Lanturns shoots a green beam at me, and I am covered with a green aura, just before I hit the ground. The aura protects me from being crushed by the insane gravity, and I slowly get up to my feet.

The scene shifts to outer space again, and Wonder Woman has grabbed a number of people falling in towards the planet. She gets violently yanked by the gravity as well, but she flies directly onto an island where there is a giant Green Lanturn power battery. There is already a crowed of various people huddling in fear, but the power battery protects them from the lava and the gravity. From where I’m standing I can see the battery’s light start to wane. Wonder Woman looks defeat as she knows that the power battery won’t hold out forever, and the other Green Lanturns land on the same rock that I’m on, but we all know that they are too late to get the people and the battery off of the planet.

In frustration, I hold up my right arm, and make a fist with my hand. Even though I don’t have a power ring, I start yelling the Green Lanturn oath. “IN BRIGHTEST DAY,” everyone turns to look at me, but I ignore them and continue. “IN BLACKEST NIGHT,” my gaze is fixed on the power battery, but from my peripheral vision I can see that the other Lanturns have raised their rings too and started the oath. “NO EVIL SHALL ESCAPE MY SIGHT,” I continue, but I hear very different different things coming from the other Lanturns. At first I waver a bit thinking to let them lead and try to copy what one of them is saying, but then I remember that some Lanturns just have their own oath to recite, so I continue. “LET THOSE WHO WORSHIP EVIL’S MIGHT…” At this point, I am positive that no other Lanturn is reciting the same oath as I am, which is the original one. “BEWARE MY POWER, GREEN LANTURN’s LIGHT!”

The waning power battery suddenly charges up like insanely, and a bright, green light erupts from the battery and engulfs everything. The ground is covered with like, green flooring and stairways that connect different islands, and since the gravitiy has no effect on the green of the Green Lanturns, the day looks like it’s going to be saved. I notice then that I have a power ring, but I can also see huge chunks of the Earth raining down on the planet. It’s then decided to wrap the planet completely in Green Lanturn energy, to stop it’s insane gravity pull from destroying everything. While the Lanturns, Wonder Woman, Blue Mask, and Portal are all debating about the difficulties in covering something of this size, I wonder how far away we are from that red landscape. I remember that I left my backpack and on the landscape, and I am glad that my PSP is safe. But then I notice that my arm is still up, and I get pissed off at myself for thinking about such childish things while there are serious matters to tend to. To steel my resolve further, I decide to recite the oath one more time, but this time I notice that the other Lanturns are powering down their rings and that they are leaving it up to me to maintain the platforms and stairs that we made. I’m happy to take the responsibility knowing that while I’ll maintain the constructs, they will fly around and spread the constructs over the planet.

When I finish the oath, aother bright light engulfs everything, and the scene jumps to me inside of an office/cubicle like thing. I’m sitting as a desk, which is covered with blueprints that look like MC Escher drawings, and I’m busy pouring over books trying to find something. There are absolutely no signs at all of everything that happened earlier in the dream. Across from me is another person who is working too, and I ask him for advice about rebuilding a city or something. I think I called it Alderan, or something lol. I show him old physical maps and ask him where should we put Alderan. He points out a bay that he refers to as a “helmet shaped thing” and suggests putting it there. He suggests, to save time, we just use the already existing borders of the various countries to define the new country. He points to five small yet neighboring countries and suggests that we just fuse them together and put Alderan there.

I tell him that’s a good idea, and I look at him expecting him to do it. He looks at me with an expression that reads, you-aren’t-seriously-expecting-me-to-do-this-are-you? I reply, “Well it’s kinda hard maintaining the concept of indoors and outdoors.” As I say this, I lift my right hand from underneath the table to reveal that I’m still wearing a power ring. I make the ring shine a little, and EVERYTHING in the office shines green at the same time, revealing that it’s me that has created the walls, the windows, the desks, and everything. The guy chuckles with a face that says, “oh yeah” and takes the map from me, and I go back to looking at the blueprints on my desk, realizing that they are in fact maps of the platforms and stairs that I am holding all together.

Oh man, haha this dream was pretty damn crazy. As I’m going through it, I can see what things from real life that I’ve seen or done that my brain used for this dream. For example, Green Lanturns are my favorite superheroes, I play Magic the Gathering and Street Fighter, which inspired the old guy. Heck, even Braid, since the color green symbolized not being affected by the gravity. So what do you guys think of this one? : )

Timestamp – 1:49 PM

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If still water runs deep, can rushing water be shallow?

Posted by shiokenstar on April 7, 2009

Yeah, it can. I’m not a very deep person. Or at least, I don’t consider myself a very deep person. When I watch movies or read books or listen to music, nothing ever catches me. I just gloss over everything. For example, when I saw Gran Torino I was expecting bad acting. Afterwards, when talking with my friends, I found that they found the acting of the Hmong actors was very, very bad. But you know, I didn’t mind too much. I just took it in stride. I never liked that part of me. Nothing ever sticks to me very long. I always feel like, I should be getting more out of something that I’m not.

I never catch onto the greater meanings/insights/themes of books that we read in English. Nothing about certain compostitions of music or the design of art gives me any sort of epiphany. Dr. Lemco, my English teacher, has reminded us now and again that good music and good art should be subversive. It should change the way you see the world. To me though, it doesn’t.

I took the time today to read certain posts from Teresa’s blog and Kevin’s blog and felt pretty ashamed. I’m so juvenile. Here I am, blogging about Minesweeper and anime and procrastination, and here are my friends, tackling much more serious topics. I had no idea about the Rwanda genocide. None at all. Hell, I don’t even know how much my Senior prom ticket is going to be. I’m just going through life being so blissfully ignorant. I say and I do things that give me semblence of substance, but I’m just so stupid.

I’ve long since been accepted to UCD, and upon finding out that UCLA and UCSD rejected me, I knew I’d have to choose between UCD or UoP. I haven’t even looked at the financial aid package UCD is offering, nor have I planned out any visits to either campus. I plan on going to Senior Prom, but I don’t know when it is, where it’s going to be, or how much it will cost. I’m supposed to get guest passes/invites for some old friends who went into the Accel program, but I haven’t acted on it in weeks. I just feel so, hollow and fake. It’s not like I have anything pressing in my life that stops me from doing these things, ya know?

Here’s a quote that I came up with to give to one of the characters of my unwritten stories. I worded it after hearing my teacher Dr Lemco say something to the opposite, when we were discussing the importance (or lack thereof) of man in the universe.

Wouldn’t be be nice if every night, just before you went to sleep, someone would whisper in your ear, “Everything you did today makes a difference,”? And wouldn’t it be nice if everytime that somebody whispered that, you’d believe them?

How little did I know that it would in turn apply to me as well.

Timestamp – 2:04 AM

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Minesweeper Synchronicity

Posted by shiokenstar on April 3, 2009

Lol, so I started up the song, You’re Gonna Go Far Kid by the Offspring, and I decided to play a round of Minesweeper on expert. Not only did I manage to actually finish just as the song ended, I beat my old time of 171 seconds by exactly one second. Haha, I just thought this was pretty funny, so I decided to dedicate a post to it.

Timestamp – 7:47 PM

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