“We are just three twisted people. Neither of us can possibly hope to stand as human beings alone. But together, we compensate for our flaws and foibles. That which we cannot do, that which we believe we must do, that which allows for sanity to take hold, we find in each other. Three twisted trees who grew up together in the shape of people. Entwined and entangled in a horrid mess. The shadows of our hearts, so different and diverse, create the necessary shadows for us to define ourselves. Without each other, we are merely in the despair of black, incapable of self understanding. At first we believed separation is worse than death, that existence without each other would become unbearable. But our entanglement is deeper than that. To die, individually, means nothing to us. Hopes, dreams, and beliefs factor not into our survival. We live for each other. We continue to survive , because we understand how much the others rely on us. We do not fear death because it is the end of our existence. We fear death because dying would result in the shattering of the terrible triad we have created. Our lives for each other. We have come to rely on each other so much, that the thought of leaving them behind causes a violent reaction. We must not die, as payment to each other. No matter how far apart we are, the thought to reunification gives reason to life. We are just three twisted people, and we live for the sake of making life meaningful for the other.”

One is a woman incapable of feeling, both physical and emotional. She represents the strength to maintain one’s self in the face of an ever changing and ever challenging world. Yet she lives a life of no desire, no change, and no motivations for anything. To give reason and purpose to her sturdiness is her dream, yet her current nature precludes her ambitions. The Eternal Sleeper.

One is a man dedicated to achieving utopia and happiness for all. Forever believing in ideals and spreading himself too thin for actual meaningful success, he continues to live in a dream world where things must work to his conventions. He represents the desire for happiness and selflessness, tradition and convention, all idealistic and impossible to realize. The Chaser of the Horizon.

One is a man tormented by his aggressive instinct. Each action is an internal battle to not destroy all that is around him. His ambitions represent the desire to bring order to chaos, yet his actions reveal a violent and savage inner self. He wishes for a docile life, to find a master to control his urges, yet he daily lashes out against control and peace. The Eye and the Storm.

The Sleeper continues to sleep, but the others urge her to rise. Awake, she follows their dreams in search of her own.
The Chaser continues to run, but the others remind him of rest. Grounded, he follows their roots in reality while gazing up.
The Eye and the Storm continues to clash, but the others control his leash. Balanced, he follows their orders to regulate his desires.

In the end, is there hope of success for any of them? Either way, they move on.

Timestamp – 1:59 AM

Yeah, so my sickness is pretty much gone. I’m just coughing now, which isn’t exactly a good thing. See, on Thursday for both TKD classes there were an abnormally large amount of abs work to be done. Leg lifts, crunches, sit ups, and a whole bunch of different things. On top of that, coughing, which causes your abdominals to contract, makes for a very very very very sore midsection T_T.

Also, a few days ago, I did something I hadn’t done in a while. I actually came up with a new daydreaming story. As you all may already know, I often daydream about “stories” in my spare time to keep myself entertained. However, recently I’ve only been going over old ideas/not even daydreaming at all. But a few days ago, I actually came up with a new idea involving characters that weren’t just recycled from other stories. I was quite proud of myself, hahaha. I’m already way too far behind to complete the NaNoWriMo challenge, but oh well. At the very least, I’ve set a bar for myself to surpass the next year! : D

That’s all for now folks!

Timestamp – 2:06 PM

So, I have a girlfriend now. Her name is Jesse Gipe, and we met at UC Davis at a Fall Welcome event put on by the Christian group Koinonia. I was there with Ed, Stephanie, and Andrew since they knew some Koinonia peoples from beforehand. We just wanted free food, but I met my soon to be girlfriend, haha. I officially asked her out around 1AMish on Halloween.

I don’t really feel like blogging too many details since I’m still unsure as to whether or not my family members read this post, but just ask me over AIM or Facebook, and I’ll tell you what you want to know, haha.

I got a 79/100 on my German Chapter 3 test. Man, that sucks. I thought I did so much better. The real problem though, was that I lost 8 points over not reading the directions carefully. The directions said, “Look at these pictures and describe what these people like to do.” So I answered the questions like, “Herr Schmidt möchten Klavier spielen,” which translates to “He would like to play the piano.” So I lost points because the appropriate response is “Herr Schmidt spielt gern Klavier,” which translates to “He likes to play the piano.” My bad, haha. But damn, a 79%? Not cool. : (

I’m getting healither as well!

My weekend in a nutshell was a lot of fun. Went home and was sick at home. Got to eat some Vietnamese food, which was so delicious. I never knew how much I missed it until I had some, hahaha. Family event was alright.

Oh yeah, my NaNoWriMo is still stalled at only 4k words. Being sick, having poor time management, and an overall lack of enthusiasm for it maybe just kill it for me, haha.

Timestamp – 10:06 PM

Throat thing. It makes be swallow a lot of salvia and mucus that builds up. Throat is hella sore, and I’ve become super sensative to the cold. GG.

Timestamp – 4:52 PM

Yeah, at dinner today, I was sitting eating with Jesse, Chris, and Niamh. We were talking about what classes to take for Winter quarter, one thing led to another, and next thing I know I’m getting earfuls about how you can’t so shit with a BA in English and being and engineer is the most glorious, most demanded job of the universe. Chris was silent for all of this though.

Not only that, I also proceeded to hear that I shouldn’t be taking German, but Chinese because “nobody speaks German.” Not even in Europe. According to these masterminded engineers, German is only spoken in Germany. Hmm. Yeah, no. Apparently, throwing around the idea of double majoring in Econ isn’t too bright either. Nope. Everything I’m doing is just a waste of my fucking time isn’t it?

I expressed my sensitivity to this, quite pissed off I might add, and you know what their responses were? First being, “you need to get more sleep Alex. You only got 7 hours last night and 4 the night before.” When that didn’t fly with me, “calm down, we’re just jealous that we have to kill ourselves for our Major every quarter and we’re just trying to feel better.”

No apology. Nada. Nothing.

I believe I then said, “Oh, well next time I’m feeling bad I’ll just kick a puppy,” Thereby leading into an awkward silence.

Seriously, so what if I’m not science minded? So what if my life isn’t mother fucking planned out each fucking quarter with an “easy to get” job at the end? Honestly though, that’s not the point. I was offended. I told my friends that they had just offended me. I specifically said that I was tired of them taking potshots at me like that. And there were no apologies. There were no promises to let up. Just an awkward silence that ended when Niamh had to go to class.

And then, much later, in Jesse and Niamh’s room watching Avatar:TLA together, there was just fun and merriment. Even during the hour of TKD inbetween with Jesse, it was hardly on my mind either. I can’t say I’m still pissed off, but seriously, nothing? I may or may not have addressed this topic before, but I have indeed noticed humans have a way of getting over things by doing absolutely nothing.

But you know something? That’s always pissed me off about people. Maybe it’s just my Asian background, or just me personally, but I don’t really think its right to not apologize. If I hurt someone’s feelings inadvertantly, time passed that they got over it, then later they would tell me about how much it bothered them back then, I’d apologize right then and there. Why? Cuz I know I’ve fucked up. People have human hearts. Human hearts get hurt. I specifically said, “you guys have just hurt me by insulting what I love to do and what I’ve chosen to do with my life.”

And there was nothing.

Timestamp – 11:01 PM

I’m gonna try it. I’m also going to stop procrastinating on my homework. >_>

Timestamp – 1:47 AM

Wow, this morning was bad. I got up at 7:30, feeling very good, but then decided an extra half hour won’t kill me. I then proceded to wake up at 9, which is the time German starts, so I had to book my ass all the over there. That wasn’t the worst of it though. You see, I didn’t do the right homework the night before. We were assigned activity I in our workbooks, of chapter 3. Not paying attention, I accidentally did chapter 2’s activity I. : (

Some more things happened today, but it’s getting late, hahaha.

Oh yeah, hamstring injuries SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Timestamp – 1:41 AM

Yeah, college life thus far as been pretty awesome, haha. I’ve met a lot of people already, and I’m definitely enjoying the chance to spread my wings. For example, I’m taking German, hahaha. That’s right, ich lerne nicht Französich, aber lerne Deutsch. I love the way it sounds, haha. I’m also taking Taekwondo over here. Of course, given from the last post you already knew all of that, but man, after so many years of wanting to try a martial art, finally getting to do one is  a blast. Thus far, I’ve learned front stance, back stance, fighting stance, walking stance, upper defence, middle defence, lower defence, knife hand block, side kick, roundhouse, and front kick. Hahaha still just a white belt, but when I put on that uniform for the first time, I just felt so… right. It’s like, after weeks of going to practice in a t-shirt and shorts, I’m finally wearing my uniform proudly.

Also, mentioned last post, I joined an Ultimate Frisbee Intramural team at my school. Team Chuchu is made of some people I met at Koinonia, a Christian fellowship on UC Davis. Now hold your horses folks, I haven’t exactly converted. It all started with eating dinner with some of Ed’s friends, who turned out to be Koinonian peoples. Then there was the Freshman Welcome celebration they did with free food and lots of fun activites. The people are just really great people, and I have a lot of fun with them. Also, I met Jesse at Koinonia, which was awesome. She’s my most regular hang out buddy at this point, haha. I’d say some more things, but right now I know she stalks my blog and like, there are complicated things going on underneath the surface between us.

*Segues* Yeah, that’s one of the things that I can’t exactly get over when it comes to blogging. There are things I want to say about people from time to time, only that those people read my blog, and would thereby know what I’m saying. You know? I can’t say like, “Oh by the way, don’t read this particular post. I don’t want to know what I said,” and etc. Even beyond talking about people, I can’t be like, “Oh I got this gift for Ed’s birthday and he’s going to be hella surprised by it,” or you know, just things like that. It just makes we wonder about how private I should make things.

If you kept an eye on my previous posts, you would have saw that I put up a protected blog post, only to take it down immediately after. At the moment, only one person knows what that post entails just because I told him/her about it over the phone, and I doubt I’ll post that back up anytime soon.

There’s so much more to talk about, specifically my classes, but I’ll save that for later in the day. I’m getting tired and my chair aggravates my hamstring. DX

Timestamp – 1:14 AM

Yeah. I pulled my left hamstring on Sunday during Taekwondo : (. I was already sore from Thursday’s practice, and I didn’t get a chance to stretch over the weekend. While the blame really falls onto myself, I’d like to take the time to blame the commute up and down to San Jose, hahahaha. I mean seriously, this sucks. I have an Ultimate Frisbee game today with my Intramural team, but I have to sit out of it now : (.

Although, I’m lucky it’s not as bad as it could have been. After the initial “HOLY CRAP MY LEG” moment, my instructor let me sit out of the running exercises to stretch. But I mean, it’s really demoralizing to just be sitting there while everyone else is working. I tried to get up and join in at the end of the sprints, but my instructor stopped me again. She then told me about how she once hurt her hamstring, let it rest for a week, thought it was better, attempted to run, and then put herself into another two weeks of recovery.

I was planning on writing more in this post, but I have class at 1. I’ll just follow up this evening or something.

Timestamp – 12:24 PM

He stood admist a sea of blood and corpses, his scythe shining in the crismon-dyed moonlight. For many years I have hunted this man, a monster of man who journeys from village to village, slaying anything he wishes to be dead. I came not for revenge, nor did I desire to stop him. I came not to ask him why, but how. How was it, that this walking mass murder had yet to be stopped? Why did the world turn a blind eye to this man, who has killed more than any plague or catastrophe?

“You ask a question that I can not answer with words, my friend. Walk beside me and perhaps you’ll find the answers you seek.”

For many seasons I followed him, waiting for the light. Instead I learned that he does not merely kill. To a select, arbitrarily chosen few, he impaled upon that wicked blade, and held them as they bled. He inhaled their last breath, burned their last words in his mind, felt their bodies last quivers. He left survivors from time to time, only to watch them from afar, observing their adaptations. All the while, he said nothing to me. For those seasons past, not a word passed between us. It was as if we were walking on a crowded street. Although one often steps on the heels of the other, ultimately we ignore those around us.

The day would come when the scythe found its way through my chest, and I could feel my heart beating against the cold metal. In his eyes, I saw my soul reflected. A completely objective view of myself, sans emotion, memory, or value. Slowly, I found myself drawn to the eyes of the dying man. In those eyes, I could see the image of victim before me, equally objective. Equally emotionless. Equally worthless. And again, the image reflected, showing the soul slain before. Hundreds upon thousands of souls, all amounting to nothing.

It was fear. Fear that kept this man unchallenged. To confront him was to confront the truth. Our lifes, our conventions, our hopes, our fears, our sin, our salvation, all that we have worked to create, both physically and idealogically, amount to nothing. And so, I too faded away into nothing, becoming yet another zero in his collection. No, that’s not right. I did not become nothing. I simply…was.

Timestamp – 1:46 AM